thankful

i've been reflecting on
this past year
and all that has happened
and all that i've done
and gone through.

in all the memories,
i see paul
standing by my side
encouraging me
loving me
and being firm
and unconditional
in his love.

perhaps it seems
a given
since he is
my husband
and chose me
so many years ago
and made that promise.

but that's the thing:
it's been ten years.
you'd think by now
the love, the patience
would wane
in it's comfort and routine.

but for paul,
it's seemed to grow stronger,
more intense.
and he time and again
exceeds my expectations.

why?

i'm nothing special.

so, i feel guilty.
like all i do is take
and never give back.
at least not equally.
by the time my day is over
i'm all wrung out and empty
with nothing to give to him.

which repeats the guilt cycle
since he understands
and is patient and so forgiving.

so i'm thankful
for him.

but also
for the rest of this
long life
and
forever
that i have
to make it up to him.